Nairobi is a city of mboches. Due to the high number of
women that can’t cook and clean, hiring a maid has become a must.
Employment opportunities for mboches are now on the rise. Among the
thousands of mboches in Nairobi’s residential estates, you will find
these five common types.
The ‘Moshene Mongerer’
This is the maid whose mouth keeps firing from all cylinders. She plays the role of detective and media at the same time. She digs out info about mama so and so then she rushes to tell her fellow mongerer who in turn formulates hypotheses before adding information about baba so and so. What results is a mega story that could crush TMZ’s website. It’s crazy
The future resident of heaven
This one is so holy, she has probably booked herself a bedsitter in heaven already and paid the deposit. Gospel songs are her thing and she still buys Rose Muhando ringtones at 30 bob. Her favorite hobby is wrestling with the kids for the TV’s remote control when they want to watch cartoons and she wants to watch the scratch filled gospel CD her church suitor gave her
Miss Ethnic Accent
I am fascinated by women with accents –exotic accents that is. Not deep ethnic accents or forced American accents. I can’t get over how people’s speech pace and pronunciation is completely determined by their environment. There is the mboch who despite staying in Nairobi for a couple of years has been unable to ditch her ethnic accent. And as if this isn’t enough, she has a commitment to absolute ignorance and stupidity. She keeps making blondish blunders which get her fired eventually.
Malaya Wa Mtaa
The estate whore has been shagged by watchmen, caretakers, shopkeepers plus the husbands and sons of her employers. It can be safe to assume that her punani sees more action in a week than Abou Diaby does in five seasons. Once in a while she will get pregnant and fail to know who the real daddy is. So she will pin it on her loving boyfriend back in shagz. Poor fella
The Nollywood movies and soap operas enthusiast
This couch potato mboch spends all day watching ‘Oga’ movies and Mexican telenovelas. She’s the reason KPLC keep making huge profits. She’s so good at this kind of thing that she can predict what’s going to happen next. She’ll say “Aki Alehandro atakiss Marimar. Sikudaganyi. Ngoja tu five minutes uone.” Five minutes later…Boom! It happens. As a result of her screen addiction, most of her chores are done in the last two hours before the owner of the house arrives.
This is the maid whose mouth keeps firing from all cylinders. She plays the role of detective and media at the same time. She digs out info about mama so and so then she rushes to tell her fellow mongerer who in turn formulates hypotheses before adding information about baba so and so. What results is a mega story that could crush TMZ’s website. It’s crazy
The future resident of heaven
This one is so holy, she has probably booked herself a bedsitter in heaven already and paid the deposit. Gospel songs are her thing and she still buys Rose Muhando ringtones at 30 bob. Her favorite hobby is wrestling with the kids for the TV’s remote control when they want to watch cartoons and she wants to watch the scratch filled gospel CD her church suitor gave her
Miss Ethnic Accent
I am fascinated by women with accents –exotic accents that is. Not deep ethnic accents or forced American accents. I can’t get over how people’s speech pace and pronunciation is completely determined by their environment. There is the mboch who despite staying in Nairobi for a couple of years has been unable to ditch her ethnic accent. And as if this isn’t enough, she has a commitment to absolute ignorance and stupidity. She keeps making blondish blunders which get her fired eventually.
Malaya Wa Mtaa
The estate whore has been shagged by watchmen, caretakers, shopkeepers plus the husbands and sons of her employers. It can be safe to assume that her punani sees more action in a week than Abou Diaby does in five seasons. Once in a while she will get pregnant and fail to know who the real daddy is. So she will pin it on her loving boyfriend back in shagz. Poor fella
The Nollywood movies and soap operas enthusiast
This couch potato mboch spends all day watching ‘Oga’ movies and Mexican telenovelas. She’s the reason KPLC keep making huge profits. She’s so good at this kind of thing that she can predict what’s going to happen next. She’ll say “Aki Alehandro atakiss Marimar. Sikudaganyi. Ngoja tu five minutes uone.” Five minutes later…Boom! It happens. As a result of her screen addiction, most of her chores are done in the last two hours before the owner of the house arrives.
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